Door to door religious sales people.

I try to be open to lots of points of view when it comes to lots of things including religion but I get really frustrated with the door to door sales pitch.  I don’t want ANYTHING sold to me unbidden on my front porch.  Not meat off a truck, vacuum cleaners, cleaning products, magazines, telephone or cable plans, and especially not religion. My one exception is kids earning money for a school or community activity. If you want to sell me something door to door you had better be a minor and be raising money for something ending with the words- team, club,or activity. I got home from school yesterday very hungry and simultaneously anxious to get outside and play in my garden on a lovely spring day. I had previously - before leaving for school – made home made macaroni and cheese in the crock pot ( if any one wants the recipe let me know it is REALLY good) and I was anxious to eat, feed the two year old and move all of us to the out of doors.  We had just sat down and started eating when a persistent knock came at the door.  Now this can never be good.  People who know us knock and then enter stating who they are.  We don’t lock our doors- that is another story but at any rate only folks who don’t know us knock and wait. I got up and headed to the door with the toddlers macaroni bowl in my hand and the toddler trailing behind me. At the door I found a gentleman in a shirt and tie and a clip board with various religious tracks.  At this point I am wondering why none of my neighbors warned me- my neighbor across the street usually gets hit first and calls telling me not to answer the door.  I have actually laid on the floor whispering into the phone of a neighbor so as not to be seen through my windows. As I looked out, the neighbor’s house in question had people at their door.  Great I have been caught - okay lets make this as short as possible- the food is cooling in the bowl and I can see the tantalizing wave of the tulips over this man’s shoulder. 

“what can I do for you?” I asked

“Do you have a Bible?” He asked

“Yes- are you needing one?” Now I thought it was odd to be walking down the street and have a need for a Bible so sudden that you have to knock on a strangers door but okay I can oblige. That however was not the response he was looking for.

“The world is a horrible place and the Bible is the only comfort. Get on your knees and  pray with me now”

Now first off I don’t believe the world as a whole is a horrible place and at the moment I have some wonderful mac and cheese- home made with extra cheese, ham, and peas mind you waiting to be eaten. Secondly the sun is shining and the flowers are blooming outside where I would very much like to be. Thirdly I am wearing a skirt and holding a bowl of afore mentioned mac and cheese in one hand and trying to keep the toddler from escaping with the other.  Not exactly the best accoutrements for spontaneous kneeling.

“Not right now thank you” I responded and began to close the door.  At this point he says “We have to do this it is for your soul” and proceeds to stick his foot in the rapidly closing door. The two year old thinks this a wildly entertaining game and he would also very much like to be outside - thus he makes a lunge for the door. I lunge after him – putting the macaroni and cheese in the bowl in peril. I should also add that my husband is not yet home from his teaching job, but at this point I am mad and I mean MAD. 

I say “Look I have a degree in persuasive argumentation and let me assure you this is not it. Remove your foot from my door and yourself from my property or you will wish you had. Please start praying that this mac and cheese doesn’t mess up your lovely white shirt. Have a good day and and I will pray that God will teach you some manners and to not interrupt people’s dinner or to enter their houses uninvited.”

He backed away, some what startled and apologized if his vehemence had frightened me- “It is just such perilous times we live in.” he exclaimed as he took his exit. Perilous for him maybe if he kept me away from pasta and cheese sauce any longer.  Hmmmh!

My hubby the medical lab/biology teacher came home shortly there after and I recounted the tale- “I missed it? Darn” but he agreed it was some really AMAZING macaroni and cheese.  Again let me know if you want the recipe- just call first if you are coming to my door and don’t try to sell me something- laundry detergent, 911 house numbers, God, or anything else.